I love fat. I love the crinkly silk taste of it sliced from the side of a nice rib-eye, or the warm, oiliness coating my tongue, carried by veggies swimming in butter. But for all the love of fat and protein when I’m stressed all I want is chocolate. Milk chocolate and something full of processed flour-pasta is the ultimate winner, with Chinese food covered in fried rice the second.
*sigh*
Why can’t that luscious, juicy steak give me the same feeling of comfort and support that a bowl full of pasta does? Is it just a learned behavior? Pasta and rice=safety and comfort while buttery fats=…
Well, I’m not sure what they equal. Maybe that’s the problem. I think of steak and I think of the slice of meat itself, while, when I think of pasta I think of family and laughing around the table slurping up noodles. So when I’m stressed (like now with the health problems and family issues that have come up) all I really want is a piece or three of rich milk chocolate, so much so that I'm turned off by a perfectly cooked steak and only crave noodles.
I have to get past these cravings!!! Life is never going to allow a two or three week space where something stressful isn’t happening just so I can overcome some eating habits but how to beat these cravings that I know are purely psychological, not based on any type of dietary need…
Will power. Disciple. Overcoming weakness. And allowing myself to be human. Its all I can think to do. There are times I wish my goals weren't so hard to achieve, but the lessons are in the journey and the destination is the reward. Must keep walking down this path if I ever hope to see my jawbone again.
By the by, the steak the other day turned out awesome, though a little more rare than hubby likes. It actually worked out good since he’s able to take the leftovers to work where a quick zap in the microwave will get them hot and done enough for his tastes. As for me, I was very unlady like and gorged on greasy, oily, buttery steak. Even kiddo laughed at Momma’s bad manners.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Rain rain go away....
Woke up this morning to singing birdies and the drip-drop of raindrops. *sigh* And so much planned for today-go take sale photos of the horse, transplant all the seedlings to the garden, finish building the chicken coop, show hubby the new way to cook steaks. Oh wait, I can still do that last one.
Now, I love my grill: the nice charred black end bits that crunch between the teeth, the warm, bloody middle that you can suck the juices out of; the grill turns a good steak into a delicious dinner. But my primal peeps over at the MDA forum shared a link on how to pan-fry steaks and I may just have to change sides. Either I've gotten so used to grilled steak that it's become mundane, or pan-frying is just the better way to cook steak but the sleek, buttery crunch of the outer layer followed by the rich, beefy inside...its the same steaks but brought to a whole new level.
For the recipe click here: The Food Lab:Tips for Perfect Steaks
I already had breakfast but all I can think about is steak, steak, steak. I may need to go to the butcher and stock up.
Now, I love my grill: the nice charred black end bits that crunch between the teeth, the warm, bloody middle that you can suck the juices out of; the grill turns a good steak into a delicious dinner. But my primal peeps over at the MDA forum shared a link on how to pan-fry steaks and I may just have to change sides. Either I've gotten so used to grilled steak that it's become mundane, or pan-frying is just the better way to cook steak but the sleek, buttery crunch of the outer layer followed by the rich, beefy inside...its the same steaks but brought to a whole new level.
For the recipe click here: The Food Lab:Tips for Perfect Steaks
I already had breakfast but all I can think about is steak, steak, steak. I may need to go to the butcher and stock up.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Discipline
Last week was horrible but thankfully its over. Kiddo is on antibiotics but the swelling is completely gone and most of the hives have disappeared as well. She's taking the medicine without a fuss and getting more lively every day-its wonderful to have her back to her old self.
The stress knocked us for a loop and we reverted to old habits, pizza, beer, and ice cream being the worse of the culprits. The good thing was we ate up the rest of the high-carb, non-primal foods that were hiding in cabinets and the freezer. Over the weekend we were fairly primal and now its time to buckle down and break these bad habits. We both have the Wanna, its just discipline and denying short-term satisfaction that we have problems with.
I read a very interesting blog piece yesterday about discipline and what it really means. In a nutshell it says discipline is creating a constant habit. And conventional wisdom says it takes about 4 weeks to develop a new habit. So, even with the negative reinforcement we get when we eat cruddy (tummy trouble, lethargy, migraines) we haven't broken our old eating habits and developed new ones since we only seem to manage to stay on track for a week or two at a time. It's not lack of self-discipline, it's lack of giving the way of eating time to become a habit.
Here's the link if you want to read it yourself, I found it fascinating : Zen Habits:Discipline
That may be why Whole30 has had such great results for others. If they could get through those 30 days of super-healthy eating they removed their old habits and replaced them with healthier ones. It makes me hopeful that it is possible to break the cycle we seem to be on and get rid of the weight that is dragging us down.
The stress knocked us for a loop and we reverted to old habits, pizza, beer, and ice cream being the worse of the culprits. The good thing was we ate up the rest of the high-carb, non-primal foods that were hiding in cabinets and the freezer. Over the weekend we were fairly primal and now its time to buckle down and break these bad habits. We both have the Wanna, its just discipline and denying short-term satisfaction that we have problems with.
I read a very interesting blog piece yesterday about discipline and what it really means. In a nutshell it says discipline is creating a constant habit. And conventional wisdom says it takes about 4 weeks to develop a new habit. So, even with the negative reinforcement we get when we eat cruddy (tummy trouble, lethargy, migraines) we haven't broken our old eating habits and developed new ones since we only seem to manage to stay on track for a week or two at a time. It's not lack of self-discipline, it's lack of giving the way of eating time to become a habit.
Here's the link if you want to read it yourself, I found it fascinating : Zen Habits:Discipline
That may be why Whole30 has had such great results for others. If they could get through those 30 days of super-healthy eating they removed their old habits and replaced them with healthier ones. It makes me hopeful that it is possible to break the cycle we seem to be on and get rid of the weight that is dragging us down.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Starting to plant...
Not much going on here at the farm. We planted the pepper and tomato seedlings since they were starting to get sickly in their smaller pots. I'm hoping they'll handle the shock all right, they are rather small.
The rest of the seedlings are doing well. The squashes are popping up as well as the pole beans and sweet peas. The carrots and bush beans are the only ones left to not make an appearance...patience I keep telling myself, patience.
Spent the weekend putting together a chicken coop and doing spring cleaning. Ran out of daylight, nails, and wood (all about the same time) so the coop is only a quarter finished but we've already got our chickens reserved: two Rhode Island Reds from a young man who raises chickens as his 4-H project. I love that we are able to help our local youth and get some feathery friends.
Scrubbing the house down wasn't nearly as much fun as hammering nails but boy did it it need it. It feels good to have the place aired out and clean. About the only thing we weren't able to get to was the closets and they are going to be all day ordeals. *sigh* Thankfully it's time to go back to the garden and chase away more weeds.
The rest of the seedlings are doing well. The squashes are popping up as well as the pole beans and sweet peas. The carrots and bush beans are the only ones left to not make an appearance...patience I keep telling myself, patience.
Spent the weekend putting together a chicken coop and doing spring cleaning. Ran out of daylight, nails, and wood (all about the same time) so the coop is only a quarter finished but we've already got our chickens reserved: two Rhode Island Reds from a young man who raises chickens as his 4-H project. I love that we are able to help our local youth and get some feathery friends.
Scrubbing the house down wasn't nearly as much fun as hammering nails but boy did it it need it. It feels good to have the place aired out and clean. About the only thing we weren't able to get to was the closets and they are going to be all day ordeals. *sigh* Thankfully it's time to go back to the garden and chase away more weeds.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Stress is not good for lifestyle changes
A long night with kiddo tossing and turning a lot but sleeping through. She wasn't hungry for breakfast but then, I made ham and egg fritatta and it didn't taste very good to me either. Went back to the doc but thankfully most of the swelling had gone down. Kiddo was checked over again and given another two shots of the high-dose antibiotics, plus a prescription for 10 days of oral antibiotics. Thankfully she didn't need to go in the hospital and, as long as she doesn't suddenly show signs of a reaction to the antibiotics, and the hives go away in the next 10 days, she should be fine. Thank god.
Came home and had lunch. Should have been good but after two nights of not sleeping I gave in to deli sandwiches and chips. And oreos. And Diet Coke. Total comfort food that I need to replace but for today it tasted like wonderful.
Dinner was steak (good, but not grass-fed), salad (good but with Sweet and Sour dressing{very bad}), and...wait for it...boxed scalloped potatoes. Yeah, I'm a horrible person. I'm also exhausted and grumpy and terrified that whatever is going on with my baby is going to get worse instead of getting better. Changing my eating habits has gotten knocked to the bottom of my Things To Do list, but its still on the list. Whole30 is just going to have to wait a week or two.
sigh. I need to get some sleep.
Came home and had lunch. Should have been good but after two nights of not sleeping I gave in to deli sandwiches and chips. And oreos. And Diet Coke. Total comfort food that I need to replace but for today it tasted like wonderful.
Dinner was steak (good, but not grass-fed), salad (good but with Sweet and Sour dressing{very bad}), and...wait for it...boxed scalloped potatoes. Yeah, I'm a horrible person. I'm also exhausted and grumpy and terrified that whatever is going on with my baby is going to get worse instead of getting better. Changing my eating habits has gotten knocked to the bottom of my Things To Do list, but its still on the list. Whole30 is just going to have to wait a week or two.
sigh. I need to get some sleep.
Seedlings and seeds.
The weather has been fickle here in the Pacific Northwest-one day 80 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, followed by 4 days of dreary, cold, gloomy, misty rain, then another 80 degree day to tease and tantalize.
The seeds are zooming along with the lettuce, broccoli and cauliflower definite winners-they are about an inch high and loving the cool days. The corn is just starting to pop out of the ground and the chard...well...the chard was doing great until I accidentally left the ground cover on them during a hot day and baked the poor things to death. Oh well, replanted.
This year we are giving companion planting a try: planting fruits and veggies that help each other grow close together, and adding marigolds and nasturtiums to protect from bugs and other nasties. Its the first time I've ever planted flowers in the garden, those are usually left for the flowerbeds around the house. It will be very interesting to see the garden in its glory, with all plants tall and bushy and the bright splashes of color showing amongst the green.
Now, to have the patience to wait that long. I am so glad that summer is just around the corner!
The seeds are zooming along with the lettuce, broccoli and cauliflower definite winners-they are about an inch high and loving the cool days. The corn is just starting to pop out of the ground and the chard...well...the chard was doing great until I accidentally left the ground cover on them during a hot day and baked the poor things to death. Oh well, replanted.
This year we are giving companion planting a try: planting fruits and veggies that help each other grow close together, and adding marigolds and nasturtiums to protect from bugs and other nasties. Its the first time I've ever planted flowers in the garden, those are usually left for the flowerbeds around the house. It will be very interesting to see the garden in its glory, with all plants tall and bushy and the bright splashes of color showing amongst the green.
Now, to have the patience to wait that long. I am so glad that summer is just around the corner!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Set Back...
Woke up this morning to kiddo's eye swollen shut and her cranky and grumpy. Didn't eat breakfast, spent the morning carrying her and singing, playing silly games, trying to keep her occupied and happy. Was able to get an appointment with the doc who diagnosed her with two ear infections and occipital cellulitis-an infection in the tissue around her eye.
sigh.
Nearly 3 hours, 2 shot of super-duper antibiotics, 4 severe melt-downs and a warning if the swelling didn't go down overnight we'd have to go to the hospital for stronger stuff we left the doc's office. I love that woman, I really do. The same health problem affects me every couple years (the last time was the day after I gave birth to kiddo-gotta love the newborn pics, looks like I ran into a door). I've seen at least 8 different doctors and no one could tell me what was causing it or why it happened. Kiddo's doc checked her over and then explained everything using a nose/ear/throat chart. Its always nice to get answers.
By supper the swelling was going down and kiddo was starting to perk up. Hopefully she'll sleep well tonight and be better tomorrow. And now we have an explanation for the hives that broke out last week-I knew it couldn't have been from food, she hadn't had anything new!
I love solving mysteries. :D
With all the chaos I ended up grabbing a Snickers along with a Diet Coke (aka brunch). Supper at least was kinda clean: roast chicken (but not organic, range-fed-sorry folks, I don't have the finances for the super healthy chicken), steamed green peas and salad (but with Sweet and Sour dressing {sugar and god knows what else}). Not a perfect Whole30 day but...
Tomorrow is another day, tra-lah tra-lah.
sigh.
Nearly 3 hours, 2 shot of super-duper antibiotics, 4 severe melt-downs and a warning if the swelling didn't go down overnight we'd have to go to the hospital for stronger stuff we left the doc's office. I love that woman, I really do. The same health problem affects me every couple years (the last time was the day after I gave birth to kiddo-gotta love the newborn pics, looks like I ran into a door). I've seen at least 8 different doctors and no one could tell me what was causing it or why it happened. Kiddo's doc checked her over and then explained everything using a nose/ear/throat chart. Its always nice to get answers.
By supper the swelling was going down and kiddo was starting to perk up. Hopefully she'll sleep well tonight and be better tomorrow. And now we have an explanation for the hives that broke out last week-I knew it couldn't have been from food, she hadn't had anything new!
I love solving mysteries. :D
With all the chaos I ended up grabbing a Snickers along with a Diet Coke (aka brunch). Supper at least was kinda clean: roast chicken (but not organic, range-fed-sorry folks, I don't have the finances for the super healthy chicken), steamed green peas and salad (but with Sweet and Sour dressing {sugar and god knows what else}). Not a perfect Whole30 day but...
Tomorrow is another day, tra-lah tra-lah.
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